Personal Essay

SaNaya White
Ms. Walker
English ll 7th Period
27 September 2019

Longing for a Breath that Isn’t Available

       Within me emerges an aspect of my life that constantly attempts to hold me back from fulfilling my full potential. It wants me to be weak, limit what I can do, use it as an excuse, to feel powerless. Often it activates inside me, I do not have the ability to control or contain it on my own. The pressure gets more compact. It hugs me tightly, not wanting to loosen its grip. I gasp for air, but that seems to only make it worse. I feel as if I am drowning or suffocating from the oxygen that is in the air. It seems as if the oxygen that is supposed to help keep me alive, is what is hurting me the most. My chest begins to tighten, I can now hear and feel my heartbeat all over my body. My breaths are unstable, my heart rate continues to increase exponentially. 

       This has happened before, but the pain I experienced is never something I want to revisit or compare to the next. A tear falls from my eye. I hold my throat, only hoping that it would release some of the pressure. I wheeze, not cough, not gasp, not breathe, but wheeze. We arrive at the emergency room and a mask is placed over the perimeter of my nose, cheeks, and chin. I hear voices, telling me to “just breathe”, if only it was that easy. From this, I would conclude that asthma is nothing but a disadvantage, but that isn’t factual.

       There are always two sides to every story, and this is two sides of asthma. Over time I’ve grown to live with it and to come to a few realizations. Asthma is a respiratory condition that causes difficulty in breathing. When looking at the definition of asthma you will most likely read over a phrase very similar. This is a scientific definition, so let me give you my personal one. As someone who was diagnosed with asthma at a very young age, I will tell you that there is so much more to it. Indeed, asthma is a condition that can make tasks very difficult at times, and yes it can get severe. Including it all, asthma gives me life… even though it could possibly kill me. Asthma pushes me to work harder, to show those who believe I can’t, that I can. 

       Asthma is a never-ending brick wall from afar, but when you come up close, through the cracks, you can see so much more on the other side. Each day it calls my name, inspiring me to go above and beyond, and each day that wall begins to open up a little more than the previous time, providing me with a glimpse of something that I didn’t know before. According to the definition, asthma weakens my lungs. According to myself, asthma provides me with the opportunity to make them stronger than ever. In my perspective, asthma is truly inspiring. 

       Asthma has its limitations such as outdoor activity, daily activity, and physical activity. According to asthma statistics from AsthmaMD, each day in America, 40,000 people miss school or work due to asthma, 30,000 people have an asthma attack, 5,000 people visit the emergency room due to asthma, 1,000 people are admitted to the hospital due to asthma, and 11 people die from asthma. It is petrifying to know that at any given moment, I could be a contribution to these numbers. 

       Living with asthma is alarming, but there are people who have lived with it and done so much with their lives before me. I will not let asthma limit and decide the life that I choose to live.