A Childhood Memory

Warm evening, clouds dispersed and out of sight

The obnoxious and resounding beeping,

The beeping coming from the moving truck.
My younger cousins in hysterics, filled with joy.

I do not feel the same, rather the opposite.

I step into what I used to call home.

This is now a foreign place that I do not recognize.

Goosebumps arise from the feeling of emptiness

The feeling produced is unwelcoming.

The words I speak return to me,

As they echo and bounce off the walls.

That never happened before.

As I look around, flashbacks emerge

Images form of what used to belong

Memories of my childhood

All ten years overwhelm me at once

My cheeks radiate heat from my emotions

The mix inside, blended, but unexplainable.

The soreness of my arms from lifting packaging boxes

I wipe away what I believe is sweat,

Rather than tears.

I close my eyes, a few seconds later, open them

Justifying that this nightmare is my reality.

The truck is full and ready to leave

It will drive to a place I shall resent

My home is here, not there

I take my final look around.

I force myself to walk away

No longer the presence of continuity

I leave, longing for it all to return.

 

 

Family Secrets

From my room, I hear the shouting outside

I hear the sound of struggle and resistance

From the hallway, I hear arguing

I’m young and fearful, unsure of what to do

I look across the hall to lock eyes with my cousin

He runs to me, locks the door, holds, and comforts me

 

My older cousin was always supportive

He was always around, always cared

Kept a smile on the face’s of others

He made a few bad choices

But so does everyone else, right?

 

Throughout the years, he began coming home late

The smell of liquor and cigarettes filled the room

He’d snuck out, and returned in the night

Sirens from cop cars blarred as they drove by

The noise increased as they turned on our street

Then descended as they left

 

He became distant

Got into a lot of trouble at school

He moved out and didn’t pick up

The phone to call us

Something was wrong

 

The next time we saw him,

I couldn’t bear to be in his presence

This was not out of anger, but sadness

He was in a hospital bed, slurring his words

He had taken a bottle too many pills

Almost ending it all

 

As I watched him I wondered,

How could one who put me before himself?

Then I feel helpless as I watched?

I wished I could have gone backward in time

When he held me and told me it would be fine

At the moment I did not know if I could return those words

Through it all, I believe it opened his eyes to reality, I pray.